The Cautionary Tale of Timmy McGinnis

vandal arrestedI’d like to tell you a story about my fictional friend, Timmy McGinnis.

Timmy was a pretty normal guy, who did pretty normal things for a young man.  That is to say, Timmy did some things that were against the law.  He liked to smoke pot, and he occasionally played a practical joke on someone that might involve vandalism.  He also liked sex.  He routinely filmed his practical jokes, pot smoking, and sexual escapades with a video camera he had received as a gift for his 16th birthday.

One day, some police officers came to Timmy’s home with a search warrant.  It seems one of the women that Timmy had consensual sex with had filed rape charges against Timmy.  Timmy had only had consensual sex with this girl, we’ll call her Sandy Vagina, but unfortunately for Timmy, she was drunk at the time, and she didn’t appreciate the fact that he’d posted the video he shot of them having sex to the internet.  It was quite clear from the video that Sandy was completely intoxicated.  She seemed to be having a good time in the video, but the jury decided she was drunk, and therefore she couldn’t “meaningfully consent,” and Timmy had raped her.  Timmy was sentenced to 15 years, and was released on good behavior after 7 years.

After his release, Timmy thought he was being smart.  He continued to smoke pot and have sex with lots of women, and to play the occasional practical joke, but he never filmed anything, and if anyone ever asked about such things, he simply said, “I won’t talk about that.”  He thought he was covering his ass pretty well against a repeat of the previous experience.

Unfortunately for Timmy, he was having a discussion with someone on the Internet one day, and the person asked about a list of behaviors.  Timmy denied doing all the things he didn’t do, but didn’t say a word about any of the things he had done.  He thought this was a smart practice.

Later, Timmy was charged in one of these practical joking incidents.  The prosecutor used Timmy’s internet posts to show that Timmy had denied screwing goats, stealing anything in his lifetime, murder, assault, and a host of other criminal activity.  But he had never denied vandalism.  And therefore, the jury could infer that Timmy had, in fact, engaged in vandalism.  The jury agreed.  Timmy was sentenced to a $10,000 fine.

So, you’re reading this story because you asked me about some legally questionable activity or another.  Well, I’m not as stupid as Timmy McGinnis.  I’ll neither confirm nor deny whatever it is you’ve asked me about.  Rather than giving you no response at all, I’m pointing you to this tale of Timmy McGinnis.  His story should serve as adequate explanation for why you have received no response to your query, but in case it isn’t clear:

Only stupid people videotape their “vices” and/or “crimes,” or discuss what “crimes” they may or may not have engaged in over the Internet. I’m not that stupid.  Have a nice day.

P.S. If your real-life name is Timmy McGinnis, I apologize.  This tale is entirely fictional, and I just found the name entertaining.  I don’t think you’re stupid.

P.P.S. While Timmy is fictional, as is the story, the events portrayed in this story were lifted from news articles I have read over the last 20 years.  These kinds of things really do happen.  That’s why I’m smart enough to not film, photograph or discuss anything that falls into this category.

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One Response to “The Cautionary Tale of Timmy McGinnis”

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  1. Good points

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